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50% Divorce Rate Due To Selfishness

We hear all the time that the divorce rate is at 50% in this country. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Celebrities are constantly jumping from spouse to spouse to spouse and people emulate them. Marriage has been given a bum rap because of divorce. People advocate not getting married because they see marriage as an institution that ruins relationships. I heard a DJ on the radio this morning advising a girl, who called in, to not get married because the relationship will last longer if they just live together. She used her own 19 year relationship as an example. Talk about the blind leading the blind.

Just recently I read in the news about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony getting divorced and the main stream media was running its excuse machine at full tilt for them. I could only shake my head and say "well, that's what happens when two incredibly selfish, narcissistic people get married. They get divorced!"

That's the world though and can we really expect any differently? What becomes especially embarrassing and maligns Christ is when so many professing Christians are running to divorce court going completely against the only two allowances Christ gave for divorce.

There are several "reasons" people use as the root cause of divorce, but every single one of them has selfishness at its very core. What's worse, kids are drug through it with little regard to the effects it will have on them psychologically simply because the parents want to continue being selfish. Marriage and the family is a picture of the union God has with His people. Imagine if He deserted us so quickly and filed for divorce. Imagine if He quit on us? If we're to imitate Christ, it begins in the home. Since marriage is that picture and we're to raise children under the admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), what is that teaching them about God? How will that devastate their relationship with God later?

According to PsycNet

Among 18–22 yr olds from disrupted families, 65% had poor relationships with their fathers and 30% with their mothers, 25% had dropped out of high school, and 40% had received psychological help. Even after controlling for demographic and socioeconomic differences, youths from disrupted families were twice as likely to exhibit these problems as youths from non disrupted families. A significant effect of divorce on mother–child relationships was evident in adulthood, whereas none was found in adolescence. Youths experiencing disruption before 6 yrs of age showed poorer relationships with their fathers than those experiencing disruption later in childhood.

Those are pretty sobering statistics. We are well aware of the damage caused to kids from divorce, but the facts have neither stopped nor slowed the divorce rate. The answer is obvious as to the reason why: people are still looking out for numero uno. Does that seem harsh? Maybe it is, but it's not nearly as harsh as the lasting damage divorce causes so we can be "happy" for a little while. Yet, we never stay happy. We have this idea "If I'm not happy, my children can't be happy." Which is really just an excuse to continue in selfishness, but it sounds good and it shuts dissenters up for a while. Oddly enough, research shows that children of parents in a rocky marriage, in a rocky home are far more stable with far less psychological problems than those who should be happy because mommy and daddy are now happy being divorced. They are for a little while until being divorced no longer makes them happy and the kids are drug down the same path again while mommy and daddy continue looking for what makes them happy oblivious to the basic needs and nourishment of the kids.

Selfishness causes divorce. Selfishness is what damages kids. No matter what the reasons are,  it all goes back to one or both parties being completely self centered. Not surprisingly, the "divorce boom" beginnings have been traced to the 1970s. Free love anyone? Modern feminism anyone. Peace man! Except there is no peace and all these movements were smoke screens.

I wasn't raised in the most stable home. I was raised around incredible selfishness, but if there's any good that came out of it and if there's anything I've learned it's how destructive selfishness is. That doesn't mean I'm immune to it. Not at all! In fact, I'd say I'm more prone to it. But what I've grown up with has made me aware of it. I've seen the monster behind it and hopefully my experiences will help me avoid some of the pitfalls in my own marriage and family.

People don't want to hear about the destruction it causes because they might feel guilty or feel bad about the ruin it brings to kids and disrupt their selfish plans for happiness. So they convince themselves with petty, shallow excuses that somehow it's actually good for the kids. They don't want to hear what the Bible teaches on divorce because it doesn't give them leeway to continue in selfishness. So we search desperately for loop holes. We bend and twist looking for something, anything to give us the green light to continue to be selfish. If we still can't find any way to work around the whole God thing then we just throw God out altogether, except worldly philosophy, because it encourages and cultivates our narcissism, or surround ourselves with people that tell us exactly what we want to hear.

When we compare what the Bible teaches on Marriage and how it runs contrary to our own nature, do we begin to understand why society doesn't want God involved in any way, shape or form in marriages and homes. He contradicts and opposes our sinful, selfish nature. Get rid of God and there's no guilt and no judgment. The problem is, the world was still round and revolving around the sun even though most didn't believe it to be so. At the same token, we can delude ourselves all we want concerning God. We can twist and distort what He's said any way we want, but it doesn't stop Him from sitting on His throne and being completely opposed to our selfishness. Getting a divorce in a human court means nothing to God. To Him, the marriage hasn't been desolved and marrying someone else later has now only created adultery.

Has anyone done studies on kids raised in single parent homes? Not very many. In fact, most times this dynamic is looked into, the kids are often skipped over while it's pushed in society as being a wonderful idea and celebrated. In 20 years those kids won't be celebrating. In the rare instances when kids raised in single parent homes are compared to other kids, they're compared to those coming from divorced parents and not those raised in homes where both parents are present. Any research that's attempted and made public is quickly shot down as being "too harsh" and dismissed. The truth usually is quite harsh. The truth usually does hurt and tends to be a big monkey wrench that locks up all of our selfishness.

Most of us enter marriage for selfish reasons. People marry  for "love" and all those warm fuzzy feelings, but if that's the only reason, then what's going to happen later when we run into serious problems and those warm fuzzy feelings are gone? When we're not feeling all that "love"? If we marry because someone makes us feel good, what's going to happen when that person no longer makes us feel good? When we've wrapped up all of our self worth, validation, security, peace and happiness in another imperfect, prone to fall, human being? Feelings change. They always do, so if we marry based on feelings where will that marriage be when those feelings change? If we marry for stability, where will we be when we're no longer stable? Our narcissistic society tells us we'll be in divorce court and it's perfectly ok to be and your children will love you for it later despite clear research that shows otherwise. If the unstable emotion "love" is the what makes up the entire foundation of our marriages then the odds are stacked against us.

By nature, we are selfish creatures and we've turned our culture and society into a petri dish of raging narcissism and welcomed it into the church. We've created, in our sin, an epidemic as destructive and wide spread as AIDS and the effects will be felt and infecting generations to come. When we know the effects and we ignore them continuing anyway, what's left for us? What's left for our kids? When will such a horrendous breakdown in the family, that was created by God, be called for what it is....sin and Satanic?

Recommended reading:

"The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement" 

"Me, me, me! America's 'Narcissism Epidemic'"

"Should You Stay Together For The Kids?"

"The Case For Marriage"


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Disclaimer: I do not condone the teaching of men by women nor am I trying to exercise authority over men by using this blog as a method of teaching men. All posts are for the edification of women. For more on what I believe concerning this issue please see: Women - No Dominion Over Men
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