I'm having a thumb sucking boy

Had another ultra sound this morning and the doctor could see what the baby was. The baby was also sucking his thumb. Ha! That kills me! As soon as my doctor told us my mouth fell open and my husband starts laughing. He wanted a boy. We had a boy's name picked out pretty early but nothing really for a girl that we both liked. Maybe it was an omen.

So his name is Darian :) It's a nice Persian name, but not overly ethnic so he gets made fun of. If he's anything like his daddy I'm in trouble. If he's anything like me I'm in bigger trouble. Hopefully it'll be a nice even mix of us lol

Becoming A Mom

I'm now 3 months pregnant and showing just a little. The sickness has pretty much gone and physically I feel really good despite other weird things going on with my body. Now that the weather is getting nice I started walking in the evenings. I've been trying to keep myself busy outside of school hence all the craft stuff I've gotten into. I get so involved with it I lose track of time. My husband text me from bed last night while I was in the basement with "Hello? Waiting to cuddle." lol Poor guy

I'm obsessing like crazy lately which is why I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't think too much. I lost my mom when I was younger and didn't exactly have a normal family life. I worry about what kind of mom I'll be and if I'll be any good at it. I have a nurturing personality anyway and know instincts will kick in too but people change and as much as I love my mom she chose to be selfish in the end. My dad is phenomenally selfish and I worry I could become that way too

I'm sure I'll make loads of mistakes but I worry some of them will be life altering for this baby and any others that may come later. I worry I won't live long enough to raise a kid and will die while he/she is young like my mom did. I worry the baby will die. I worry having a baby will put serious stress on my marriage and me and Sharb will end up hating each other.

I look at my little pooch in the mirror sometimes and I'm shocked that there's a baby in there. Sometimes I sit and think "what am I doing? I'm so not ready for this." Then other times I'm excited and completely secure in it. Last week I woke up in a panic because I dreamed my husband died. This has crossed my mind several times before (even before being pregnant) and I've worked myself up pretty hard over it but that dream had me freaked out for a few days.

I have all kinds of weird and sometimes scary dreams. I dream of family members that are gone but in my dreams they're still alive. I dream about having the baby and my husband's over me yelling my name but I can't speak or move because I'm dying. I dream of being out with friends and telling them I have to get home to my baby and they tell me there is no baby and laugh like I'm crazy. Or I'm out at night and can't find the baby and I'm panicked. Then after having these kinds of dreams I stress over them and have a hard time turning it off.

Over active hormones? Possibly but I'm worried it's stress and trauma from my past beginning to show up.
I don't know how to be a mom. I still haven't figured out how to be a wife. Giving birth is already scaring me. I was praying last night that I'll have a c-section so I don't have to go through the process. But after all the worry, stressing and obsessing I do...when I'm in bed at night and my husband is rubbing my belly as he goes to sleep I think everything couldn't be more right and I couldn't be happier.

Is this type of stuff normal? I have no idea and of course I think I'm the only weird one this happens to and will probably get worse the further along I get...

Expecting

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$#*_^(*@%!!!

The Midwest is being hit by a major blizzad. It's been snowing since this morning and hasn't stopped. My husband had to go into work (problem there) so I decided to walk around the corner to the store and get a pepsi. The first time I stepped out and was hit with snow in the face I turned around and went back in. A coat and tennis shoes wasn't gonna cut it. I got on my boots, scarf, hat, gloves and pulled up my hood. As I stomped through the deep snow up the street with little visibility I felt like a chimp. You can't walk normal in this stuff. You always look like a silver back on a mission for berries

I'm guessing everything will be shut down tomorrow and if it's not this pigmy ain't going anywhere. By the time I got to the party store I regretted my decision to even go out. I was tired, freezing, had slipped on ice I don't know how many times and my back was hurting from being hunched over like a cave man. Well on the way back I slipped on someone's unshoveled and unsalted sidewalk, fell and for whatever reason threw my pop over my head and it landed in the snow on what's usually a lawn. That's a lawsuit people. I'm just saying. I won't make a stink this time cause it could be elderly people.

Anyway I got back up, went fishing for my pop in the snow, found it and made it home. Once I stripped off all the outer clothing I was still thinking about the fall and opened my pop. The thing exploded in my face from being shaken up. It went all over too, my face, my hair, shirt, floor, stove, refrigerator and even sprayed the cat. Every vile word in the English language popped in my head BUT I didn't say any of them. I slammed the almost empty bottle down on the counter, wiped off my face and started cleaning up the mess. What a wasted trip! Stay indoors Midwesterners! Especially if you're blonde. You could be killed

Hey Meatball Maker! You Suck!

I made my grandmas recipe for meatballs for dinner. I even slow cooked them in her old crock pot for 5 hours. It was my first attempt and everything went good. I'm a pretty good cook so I was confident. How hard could it be?

Part of the ingredients for the sauce was a half jar of grape jelly and a jar of cocktail sauce. No problem! 5 hours later everything was ready and Sharb came in from work and I knew he was starving. I served him and he's staring at the meatballs on his plate. Sharb is used to Iranian food which I can't cook....yet. But he's ok with eating what I know which is a whole lot of American and some Jewish. When he wants what he's used to he always cooks it himself and he's a really good cook! But as far as my cooking...as long as he eats and it's good he's not picky. Thank God too!

Because of the jelly they were really dark on the outside. That's normal. I assured him they were good. My grandma used to make them for parties or holidays and everyone loved them. They were always the first things to go. I wasn't hungry because I'd been munching the whole day so I left him in the kitchen to eat while I put more laundry in the washer and came back a few minutes later. He was rinsing my meatballs off under the water faucet! The poor man was so hungry he was willing to rinse them off and eat them!

I'm like "what are you doing?!" And he says "did you try these?" No but how could anything be wrong? I followed her recipe to the last detail

so I tried one. O Lord help me they sucked something fierce! The actual meatball itself was good but something happened to the grape jelly sauce they cooked in during the process and there was a whole lot of weirdness going on. Sharb kept rinsing them off and says with his mouth full "baby don't make this again ok?"

So one recipe out the window and I ended up making dinner twice. I couldn't let him eat those things. God talk about blonde moments! Sometimes following directions doesn't help. I should've at least tried one before giving them to him lol

Stressed Out Like No One's Bidness!

Going to school, working and planning a wedding on short notice is seriously freaking me out! For as much as I'm losing my mind it would be worse without a some people. THANK GOD for my friends, their moms and my fiance Sharb's sister Yasmeen! I would be bald by now and sitting in a corner mumbling and drooling if it wasn't for them. I'm not kidding. Once I hit Thanksgiving break I'll be better...I hope

Yasmeen knows how to plan an event on very little. Because my friend Julia is getting married in February she's up to her eyeballs in wedding, wedding, wedding. If you ever have to plan a wedding on short notice especially if you have no experience what so ever like me...it can be done! I'm also learning quick that this bad economy is a huge advantage with something like this! So keep that in mind if you want to plan a wedding. In this economy people have services and things to sell and will drop their prices to get your business. Most importantly...be open minded and creative!

My fiance and I were planning to get'er done by our Pastor in a casual ceremony with only a few people then maybe go out to eat afterward. That idea didn't go down smoothly with others so now we're doing this as formal as possible considering the time we have

Yasmeen got us a restaurant banquet room for a small reception on a Friday night (hey when you're doing short notice you won't come close to a Saturday anywhere for at least 6 months). They'll also take care of the food. This place has their own DJ but Sharb's cousin has a friend who's a DJ and he agreed to do it for a lot cheaper then the "house" DJ. Good enough! Julia and her mom designed the invitations on a computer themselves which saved tons of money and time and we got them filled out last night, stamped and in the mail this morning. I thought to do a Facebook event invite for some people but apparently that's ghetto haha!

Since it won't be just a few people and casual our church can't do it because it's in the process of moving. Our Pastor can do it but not there. So now we're getting married at Sharb's dad's church which is cool with me. Really just tell me where I need to be and I'll show up! This has been one of the worst parts. For a few days it looked like we may get married one day and have the reception another day. How weird would that be? We actually got the banquet room before nailing down the church and that is what set our wedding date haha. Since it's a Friday it went easier. I'm not complaining

I don't have time to have a gown made and fittings and all that crap so I have to buy one. We've been  looking and I haven't found one yet I really like but I'm hopeful. Here's the cool part...a friend of my dad called from Boston after hearing from him I was getting married. She's a species all unto herself lol. She called to talk me out of it, yelled at me a couple of times, swore a few times (she thinks I'm too young) but in the end she offered to buy my gown as a gift so she sent a check since she won't be able to make it. Woohoo! Thanks Tracy! Tuxedo's have been causing us the most problems but if all else fails then black suits will work just fine. Just gotta be flexible

You can buy a cake at a bakery as we are as long as you keep the design simple you'll save time and money.  My bridesmaids are wearing plain black dresses with white shawls (shawls from JC Penny 20.00 each). None of the dresses even match but they are the same length and with the shawls it's very nice. My friends Rachel and Kelly are decorating the collars of each dress with small rhinestones so they at least look very similar and pretty

Flowers....fake! Every last one of them and bought at Micheal's on discount along with tons of ribbon. Beads and other small accessories can be bought at dollar stores, Walmart, Meijer just about anywhere. Now we have to come up with a design for the tables and church. Decorating is a little challenging but we're getting table cloths cheap at Jo-Ann Fabrics and cut there with decorative scissors so no sewing is involved. My friend Eve's mom is going to make my bouquet but Micheal's also does it. Hair...makeup? Fuhgetaboutit! Do your own or have a friend do it for you. I'm leaving my hair down and my friend Rachel is going to add tiny pearls throughout. It's way cute and you can buy a bead hook anywhere for about 10 bucks. The only thing we'll get done for us is nails, eyebrows and waxing but that can be done anywhere a couple of days before on everyone's own time

I realize it's still early to call this a success but it's getting done and even if every detail doesn't come together I have to be ok with that. A wedding on short notice or not...whether you wanted a big wedding or not suddenly becomes an obsession! My biggest worry is people showing up on short notice lol. Work with what you got and don't lose it like I am. Tonight is "centerpiece" night lol

My new place and I have a squatter

I spent my first night in my new place last night. The cable guy was late yesterday, but at least I have cable now. So I was excited and nervous all at once I could hardly sleep, but around 3 am I was tired enough to try. I laid down in my bed and turned on "Coraline" and I eventually fell asleep. Then I woke up to Squiggy my cat standing on my chest. He's a big boy and weighs almost 20 pounds. He was staring at something and crouched down on me. I looked back toward the wall and there was a huge centipede on my headboard.

I freaked! I jumped up so fast Squiggy fell on the floor. I turned on the light and stared at it like it was gonna do a trick or something. Half asleep, not really knowing what to do, I grabbed my flip flop and hit it. It was huge though and didn't squash like a little bug. I heard it! I was so grossed out at this point, my skin was crawling, Squiggy ran under the bed to check out the remains that fell, I ran into the living room brushing myself off like a crazy person making a weird "disgusted" sound and stood there not knowing what to do.

I had no Raid or anything so I grabbed my hair spray from the bathroom, ran back in my room, got down on my hands and knees and scooted it out into the open with my flip flop. It was still twitching and Squiggy was still stalking it. I screamed and sprayed it with hairspray. I swear I must've used half a can. I stopped, stared at it all curled up. It twitched again, I screamed again and hit it again with my flip flop. It was finally dead. I was too weirded out to pick it up even with tissue and there was no way I was sleeping in my bed. For all I know that thing made several treks across my face before ending up on the headboard. I grabbed my blanket and went into the living room where I shook out the blanket so much that I even thought it was excessive. I laid down on the sofa and turned on the small TV. "Drag Me to Hell" was on and I started watching it.

After the centipede and that crazy old battle axe in the movie I couldn't go back to sleep. Around 7:30 am I got dressed and drove to Walmart where I bought a gallon spray jug of Raid. I set it on the counter and the lady goes "Man that's a big jug." And I need every bit of it. I went home, sprayed the crap out of my room. I have a perimeter marked off all the way around my bed. No insect is now gonna get within 6 feet of my bed. I even sprayed the legs, the headboard and the walls. Nothing's crossing that line! I figure if I keep it sprayed at least once every 4-5 days I should be good

So my first night in my new place and things didn't go so well, but I did get rid of one boarder who I'm sure had no plans to contribute to the household expenses. If the next one has a job we'll talk...

101 Reasons

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