The Kind Husband

Men have a big job as a husband. I'm not even gonna pretend like they don't. Not only do they bear much of the responsibility for their families, but they are the Heads, the Leaders, the Bosses. As the saying goes "crap rolls down hill". When my husband and I were going through premarital counseling (which also included talking/hanging out with elders and their wives outside of the sessions) I realized I didn't want my husband's job. He was made for it and he can keep it! That job is a delicate balancing act and it takes a strong, godly man to perform it.


The most important aspect of marriage is a man and his wife are pictures of Christ and His church. A man is to love and care for his wife emulating how Christ loves and cares for His bride (Ephesians 5:25). Wives are to submit and respect their husbands as the Church submits and respects Christ.

Genesis 2:18 "The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"

God made man a helper for Adam when he created Eve. Not a servant, not a slave, not a punching bag, not something inferior, not an object to satisfy him...a helper. And he created Eve from Adam. Eve was a part of Adam. She was made from his rib (v. 21)  and they were of one flesh.

Genesis 2:3 "'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.'"

Once God made Adam,  He didn't wait to make a woman then bring them both into the garden before laying down the laws. He made Adam, put him in Eden and gave Adam the law (v.15-17). When Eve was made, Adam then taught Eve what God had taught him. Eve didn't hear directly from God. It was Adam who did. When they fell God went to Adam first. Adam was the boss, he heard directly from God, knew better and was the one held responsible for what happened. Eve was punished too, but not as severely as Adam and Eve was the one deceived. But Adam was Head and he should have had a better handle on the situation. At any job...if the owner isn't happy with an employee who does he go to first? The manager. The manager didn't make the mistake, but he's the one who's going to ultimately be held responsible because he's in a leadership position over that employee. So it is with the husband.


It's their job to lead they wife and family, to guide her and the kids in the right direction. They are the teacher just as God taught Adam and Adam taught Eve. If the family runs amok they will be held responsible. Of course those running amok will get their share too, but the vast majority of it will fall on husband's shoulders. If the home is a mess then problem #1 always indicates the husband/father is absent, indifferent and uninvolved like an old chair. When the husband is involved and runs his household as the Head then his home run smoothly and orderly.


If the wife is the Head that's because the husband gave it to her. He let her become the Head and the home will not run right unless he takes the lead position back. They can't be Head on some matters. They can't be the Leader once in a while. Someone has to be Chief and if the husband is not doing it, as they were made for, then she will. This is not natural. This is not God's design and anytime we as people go against the order established by God there is always a huge price to pay.

1 Timothy 3:4-5 "He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)"

The fact is if a man's house is a mess he can't be effective anywhere else. The home is where it all begins and is his first priority whether he wants it to be or not. If he can't control his family what can he control? If a man is not self controlled at home, if he disrespects his wife, is violent with her, dishonorable toward her, doesn't lead or teach her then he can't be effective respectably anywhere else. It begins at home. As the Head,  it's the husband's job to teach the rest of the family and lead by example. He can't leave the wife to give the "education" to the kids on her own or to find her own spirituality and learning.

The husband's example as the Head of his home and family is Christ (Ephesians 5:25-26) If he didn't have a good example of a man, husband and father growing up then he is to look to Christ and godly men and follow the examples. As Christ leads the Church so a man must lead his family. Ephesians 5:28-29 tells men to love their wives and care for her the same way they care for they own bodies....feeding (fig or not) and caring for them. A man should love his wife as Christ loves the Church and sacrificed Himself for it. Who feeds the Church? Christ. He provides materially and spirituality so must the husband.

Colossians 3:18 "Husbands love they wives and do not be harsh with them"

If they can't gain control of they family with wisdom, grace, respect and loving kindness there's something wrong. If a man thinks he has to beat his wife and kids, slap them around or be a dictator he's already failed as a husband, father and Head. Men have to remember their wives are heirs of the Promise along with them. She is to be treated as joint heir and as gently as men treat their own body. She should be treated better than others (except God).

As the Head men will set the tone of they family. If they are respectful and loving then things will run much smoother and the wife will fill her role much easier. If they're not then they're causing their wife to struggle to fill her role, stumble or give up all together. It begins and ends with him. Husbands must be involved with their wives in every aspect.

The husband is the provider (1 Timothy 5:8). That doesn't mean the wife can't help. Proverbs 31 describes a wife who does help, but the bulk of it falls on the husband. He must work to provide for his wife and kids sufficiently.

"Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home." Proverbs 27:8

A husband should not be away from home. That's not saying he can't work or go out once in a while, but if a husband is always out running around and spends very little time at home, neglecting his family, that is a cruel man. The truth is if a guy can't stay at home and is always out with friends or doing something else besides being with his wife he's acting in pure selfishness. A husband's first priority is to be the head of the family and provider. It's true that the wives are the home builders and are a huge influence on their kids, but stability, security, a huge amount of learning, strength, guidance, teaching, emotional, mental and physical stimulation doesn't come from moms...it comes from dads.

1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as they live with they wives, and treat them gently as the weaker vessel and as heirs with they of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder they prayers."

Wives are not inferior because they're weaker...it simply means don't treat or speak to they wife like she's one of the guys and assume she can handle it. Instead a husband is to treat his wife as if she were a delicate crystal glass...and compared to men she is. By using the word vessel it pictures something being filled or with the capacity to fill. If a husband is pouring into his wife verbal abuse joking or not...a woman isn't able to contain that like other men can. He will destroy her.

Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh"

I'm sorry, but mommy can't come with them. "A man will leave"..."they will become one flesh". In this case 1 + 1 = 1. A man's mom cannot be one flesh with them. If he can't live without his mother being involved in every area of their life, if he runs back to mom when he and his wife are having problems and fills her in on personal issues then he has no business getting married. This can and will ruin a marriage.

Proverbs 5:18-20


May they fountain be blessed, and may they rejoice in the wife of they youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?"

A husband is to be satisfied with his wife and look to her to fulfill his needs. He is to keep pursuing his wife with love and kindness even 10-20-40 years down the road. They are the protectors and their wives need to feel safe with them.

Wives, our lives are wrapped up in them. As head, leader, guide, teacher, provider and protector we depend on them more than they think we do. Everything we are, everything we become (outside of God) is in them. They are an enormous influence and factor. We look to them for so many things and if they can't provide, if they're too selfish, if they're too immature or lazy they're destroying their wives and don't even realize it.

If they're the teacher then they must teach. If they're the leader then they must lead! All the time. If they're the protector and provider then they must protect and provide always. Not half hearted. They were given that position by God therefore they're fully capable of filling it.

Statistically the wives follow the husbands when it comes to conversion. If the wife is a Christian and the husband is not statistically he doesn't convert. That is the enormous impact they have. This is the influence of a Leader. We think wives have the most influence because they are the home builders and mothers, but that's not true. It's the men.